Bag of Bags

It can’t be done. There are too many iterations, opinions, possibilities. We are smack dab in the middle of the ultra-light epidemic, and these new backpacks are driving me nuts. Mountaineering bags have devolved into tubes with a few straps to hang your panties on. Water bottle pouches the size of your tampon. How about that, granola boy? There is no issue with UL trekking if your mother follows you in her sprinter van full of baby wipes and coconut water or if your Sherpa carries the man pack while you lecture him on the strength of Sisyphus. What happens when you snap your femur and the midnight chill is upon you? A mini-Bic lighter will not save you. Smushing all your gear in a slightly-too-small pouch is simply no way to survive. After spending hundreds of days in the backcountry I ask, why can’t they build a pack fit for a man?

After Rainer, I was fed up with the current state of these skimpy sacks. My 52l Osprey Mutant faltered under the demand of my mountaineering kit. So long, farewell. Time to find a successor. I hunkered down upon Portland gear rooms and Facebook Marketplace. Several months later, I found a beautiful little gem. An 85l North Face pack, many years out of production. It was part of TNF Summit Series; this was my golden ticket. This line of gear was rolled out in 2000 as a specialized sub-section of TNF. Over the next dozen years, the line bloated and was dissolved. In 2015 Summit Series was refined and relaunched, with the “connection to the climbers [as] a main push.” I own a Summit Series tent and parka, of which both are a success. I shot the seller a lowball and completed the transaction in a Lowes parking lot the following day. The pockets showed promise, but after over a decade of disappointment, I didn’t bother to entertain the idea that this could be it.

A man and his bag have a special connection. The bag either burdens or anticipates. Are you shitting me, why is there no hip pocket or glory be, my ice tools tuck just right. A proper bag must leave you at ease carrying your weight. It must not sway, squeak, or fold under pressure. Every feature must have a purpose, and no feature shall be in the way of another. When you are wearing mittens in a minus 15-degree chill with 40 mph winds, you don’t want to fuck around. Or maybe you are just bagging some local peaks; a well designed and placed water bottle holder can save you the effort of stopping to dig through pack like you are at the Goodwill bins. I took a test run of my new pack this weekend in the Indian Heaven Wilderness, and I am left with nothing but stoke for overnight ski mountaineering objectives this next winter.

There is nothing light about this bag because nothing was left out. It is almost twice as heavy as my 58l Osprey Exos, but momma didn’t raise no bitch. If you can out pace me, I will sit down and we can peace pipe it. Otherwise, you are the bitch. In the weight is the reward. Wielding 60 pounds was no sweat. Every pocket has its purpose. Thoughtful crampon carry, perfect ice tool placement, dedicated avy pouch. The bag expanded to an easy 85l, while it packed down to a comfortable 35l summit pack. Versatility is the name of the game in fluctuating environments. From the dynamic carry straps to the well balanced pocket sizes, I am a man in love. You did it, thank you North Face.